Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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