I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my shit smells like andre
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
