Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
