what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
