i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Everyone says I win the strip club
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
