My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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