I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
