wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
