you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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