'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize