Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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