i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
