I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
