Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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