we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We don't watch enough power rangers
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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