Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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