Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
pray to the hookup gods
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
