I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize