YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
