I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
