I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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