EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
