Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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