I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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