This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You left your phone here
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