he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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