you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
