When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i came on her dog
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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