three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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