New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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