she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
