I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
