My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
