She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
