I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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