I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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