I showed him my bush... on skype.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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