We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize