the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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