i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
