Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
