My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
