if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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