apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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