He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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