He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
