I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
