Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
