dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize