her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
