i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize