my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
