maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
