she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
