is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
