There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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