I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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