She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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