fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
