I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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