Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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