is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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