I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
