It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
