so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
