i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
