He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
we're so committed to being not committed
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