My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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