You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we're making bets on your personal life
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize