Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
