You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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