no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
