i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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