so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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