Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize