What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
