someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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