I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize