Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
