The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
