I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I came so hard my ears popped.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
