Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
