remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize