Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
