I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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