i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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