I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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