I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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