Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
