is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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