He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And then my night got REAL pukey
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
