Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
