i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
